I wanted to reflect today on the nature of feeling, which is understandably a recurrent and important theme in therapeutic work. It’s a key dimension of our human experience, we all feel, in different ways and to differing intensities.
Sometimes it can seem that a feeling is bigger than you, leading to a sense of overwhelm and powerlessness. This is a deeply uncomfortable experience when it happens, it can be frightening. It may even seem like whatever is felt will last forever.
Sometimes feelings can be distant, and it can feel hard to feel them at all. You may feel cut off, numb or shut down. It can seem as though if you were to feel the floodgates would be open and intense feeling would never stop. This is a common fear, but thankfully not an experience I have known a client have when they begin to experience directly more of their emotional life.
There is another kind of experience that differs from these all or nothing scenarios. When you are in a relaxed, open state, feelings can move through you, they arise, hang out a while to deliver the message they bring, and then lessen and fade. They come and go, varying in intensity, often as waves of emotion. Feelings are not only transitory, they are also complex and can co-exist, we can be calm and sad, angry and filled with passion, grateful and filled with sorrow. Feelings don’t make sense as such, they just are. When we can listen intuitively and witness their ebb and flow, we can sense into what is passing through us, and help it’s safe passage through and out..
Sound nice? The key to being with feelings in all their complexity and transience is to establish ways to feel safe within yourself. When you’ve had a tough time, or your childhood has not taught you that you are safe and secure, this can be quite difficult. There are many ways of re-establishing your natural connection to a sense of calm and security, and the key to them is working with your body and bodymind connection. I blog about ways of doing this regularly so do check out my self-help blog here:
For trauma-informed, attuned psychotherapy that enables you to find your ground, get in touch.
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